How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
