I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
