So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just gift wrapped bread.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
