This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
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I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
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Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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