Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
