I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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