she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
