Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
