the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
