should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
