have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
