Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
