What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
