you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
