So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
