Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
