I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize