mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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