I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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