sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
