My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
