Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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