I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
