it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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