She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
