im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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