TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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