are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
