Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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