the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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