Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
