Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
