i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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