All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just had sex bonerless
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
