so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
