I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
