Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
