i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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