Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
