Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Will exercising make me less horny?
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