He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
