My first STD was from a foam party
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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