I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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