i already hear my dad disowning me
You can't special order awesome
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The air was thick with penises
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
