I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
