That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I don't deserve a penis
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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