Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
