I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
