Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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