Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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