Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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