Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
