she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize