I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
