508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
