My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i was born a porn star she said
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
