Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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